Wednesday, January 23, 2019

[JTALKS]: When I Graduate

So people, welcome back to my personal life sharing. This isn't easy at all for me, yet I still want to share everything. This is kinda my own diary, that I believe lots of you are going through the same thing as me. I just want us to be strong, and keep it going. Know that we're not alone and we can get through this. I always remember this saying: All is well.

Okay, so today I'm gonna be sharing about my graduation. Well, I graduated one and half year ago, March 2017 from my scholarship program held by a private bank in Indonesia. The journey hasn't over, still have to do my thesis to get the degree officially. That's why I create the thesis, went through thesis defense and here I am, graduating for bachelor degree. I'm so happy, yet sad at the same time. You'll know the reason soon after this passage.

First, you already knew that I'm living only with my mom and my brother. That's just normal, there's a lot of us living with only one parent and it's mom. I scholarship for bachelor degree, so mom didn't even spent a single penny on my studies. When going through thesis, I paid everything by myself simply because I already work at the bank giving me the scholarship, and she always said that she's tired of paying for two kids. I can accept that since I knew how hard she works. But actually I'm kinda envy my brother, where his tuition was fully paid by mom and yet he got motorbikes (yes he got more than one) and gadgets, while I'm fighting by myself. Now you know, my life isn't that perfect. Lessons learned: she's sure that I can fight by myself, so I'll take that as a compliment. Maybe she think my brother need her on that time, so I just let them be.

Going through those hard times were really painful, yet I can do it. So if you're in the same position as I was, it means you can do it too.

Those hard times has passed by, and now supposed to be the good times. I did great on thesis defense and got an A, got the graduation invitation and even got cum laude. Mom should be proud, I guess. But I can't tell my father since he won't even know what I'm doing and my journey. Of course, she told me not to take my dad to the graduation day. She'll take my brother instead. Well that's fine and I can totally understand that, since we've been together for years, only the three of us.

On graduation day (Oct 24), I was busy with the preparation because I do my own makeup and yet she asked me to do hers. Not a wise act, huh? I'm already hectic with myself yet she asked me to do hers. But that's fine, I have to hold on and not ruin the day. Anyway, she's my mom. I'll do anything for her I guess. Despite of all the scars I have. I called some go-glam person to take care of both our hair do, so everything's taken care. So the day has passed smoothly, without any doubt. She told me we're having family dinner to celebrate my graduation, yet didn't happen because we're going home right after the graduation. While my brother's graduation had a celebration. Whatsoever, I'll celebrate by myself. Time passed by, I even don't remember it anymore.

Today. I met my father. Been days since he's been looking for me and came to my house but we just met today. He suddenly come to me, and touched my head (i don't know why but this one's my favorite gesture. Whoever do this to me, I always love that. Spoiled kid lol).

He asked me if I had graduate, and when was that. He congratulate me, and asked why I didn't tell him about that. This moment ripped my heart apart. I regret the act, why I didn't do that?! Stupid me! Simply because I was afraid he'd do something to ruin the day, just like he did in the good old days. However , whatever big event happen to my life, I should've shared it with him. He's always been the one caring for me, no matter how far we're apart.

I'm sorry for not telling you, dad. I know you would never read this, but I can only say the word through this post.

Wherever you are living, whom ever you're living with, don't let the same thing happen to you. No matter how angry you are to your parents, you'll regret doing something you shouldn't have. Do whatever you want when you still have them around, or else you won't be able to do that anymore. 

1 comment:

  1. Wanita inspirasi penuh semangat��

    ReplyDelete